no, he came in my armpit
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
