you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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