You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
