I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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