my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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