I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize