sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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