I just pynch a tree in the face
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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