You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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