She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
