She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
