go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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