When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
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thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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