Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
