please come you make the beer taste better
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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