Jerry, you need to find god
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
