How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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