So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
