If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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