Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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