Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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