I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
