I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
