omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i already hear my dad disowning me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
