Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
