so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it's like iHOP with fire
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
