fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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