Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
