I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
