Porn is love you can see.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
