I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
