i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
