So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs