i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.