Having a random hookup so left but love u
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks