Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.