i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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