I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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