I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
