the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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