forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
