Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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