he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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