remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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