the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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