Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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