Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
