I have demons in me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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