Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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