Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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