Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize