You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
