am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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