ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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