I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
