dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
