It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
