He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn