My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.