I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just had sex on a roof
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.