the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i need some magic done to my vagina
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything