well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
