My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
