it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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