Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
