My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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